They say third time is the charm - but i really don’t want to have my heart broken for a third time.
Twice. Twice this academic year have I had my heart broken. It doesn’t seem that big of deal, except it seems to be the same reason over and over again.
I can’t help thinking na ako na talaga yung mag sapak sa mundo. Once, gets ko; pero twice? That’s just ridiculous.
For now. I’m probably still in shock. I mean, I’m not crying
much, I’ve managed to joke around and genuinely laugh, hell I even managed to serve as a listening board for someone else’s problems. But seriously, I’ll prolly bawl my eyes out once it all sinks in.
Raph and I aren’t dating anymore.
I don’t know how to react really. I mean, I seriously, seriously liked the guy. Even Tricco could testify that he had never seen me as clingy as I had been with him - and Tricco has known me for years.
and ironic since the afternoon before my world crumbled for the moment, I actually stopped by Goldilocks to inquire about their delivery services. You see, I was planning on having a cake delivered to him on Valentine’s - that was even if I was on super thesis mode, at least I made sure that this year’s Valentine’s wouldn’t be so awful as his last one was.
But that turned out so well. ._. Now I managed to ruin both our Valentine’s. And for the first time since senior year - I’d be miserable on Valentine’s.
But that’s a whole different story.
Anyway, I suppose I should have seen this coming - I mean, right from the start he did tell me that he wasn’t looking to be committed, and for reason, I went ahead and jumped in. Maybe it was because I was stupid at that time, or maybe I was blinded by how much I really like, or maybe some small (and obviously stupid) part of me hoped that I’d be able to change that.
Now, aside from being in severe shock, all i could think of at the moment is how much I miss him. I miss talking to him, hearing his laugh if he sends me a “laughing” emoticon on facebook, just nonchalantly talking to him about the most random of things, our conversations that could be about me entering the convent, or about Senator Bong Bong Marcos’ chances of winning the presidency on 2016, I miss the red notification that would pop up on Facebook above his name, or his picture on my phone’s screen when I’d get a message from him. I’m going to miss the dates that happened, the movies, the food trips and the carefree walking and talking, I’m going to miss the dates that won’t ever happen like the trip to the park and the swimming. I’m going to miss the feel of his hands around mine or when he hugs me when I get too cold.
I’m going to miss so much. and I don’t know how to deal with it.
For now, I could bury it deep down until all this is over - I could stay composed during the day, maybe be a little more bitchy than usual, then break down into uncontrollable tears when I get home. I don’t know.
For now, I just miss him. So much.
and I can’t help but ask if there’s something wrong with me. Why does this keep happening to me? Is this some sort of twisted karma? It probably is. But seriously, haven’t I suffered enough for me sins?
"Don’t try to make me stay, or ask if I’m ok. I don’t have the answer. Don’t make me stay the night, or ask if I’m alright. I don’t have the answer" - Irresistible, One Direction