(via laksjdhfg09)Source: feltclffe
They say third time is the charm - but i really don’t want to have my heart broken for a third time.
Twice. Twice this academic year have I had my heart broken. It doesn’t seem that big of deal, except it seems to be the same reason over and over again.
I can’t help thinking na ako na talaga yung mag sapak sa mundo. Once, gets ko; pero twice? That’s just ridiculous.
For now. I’m probably still in shock. I mean, I’m not crying
much, I’ve managed to joke around and genuinely laugh, hell I even managed to serve as a listening board for someone else’s problems. But seriously, I’ll prolly bawl my eyes out once it all sinks in.
Raph and I aren’t dating anymore.
I don’t know how to react really. I mean, I seriously, seriously liked the guy. Even Tricco could testify that he had never seen me as clingy as I had been with him - and Tricco has known me for years.
and ironic since the afternoon before my world crumbled for the moment, I actually stopped by Goldilocks to inquire about their delivery services. You see, I was planning on having a cake delivered to him on Valentine’s - that was even if I was on super thesis mode, at least I made sure that this year’s Valentine’s wouldn’t be so awful as his last one was.
But that turned out so well. ._. Now I managed to ruin both our Valentine’s. And for the first time since senior year - I’d be miserable on Valentine’s.
But that’s a whole different story.
Anyway, I suppose I should have seen this coming - I mean, right from the start he did tell me that he wasn’t looking to be committed, and for reason, I went ahead and jumped in. Maybe it was because I was stupid at that time, or maybe I was blinded by how much I really like, or maybe some small (and obviously stupid) part of me hoped that I’d be able to change that.
Now, aside from being in severe shock, all i could think of at the moment is how much I miss him. I miss talking to him, hearing his laugh if he sends me a “laughing” emoticon on facebook, just nonchalantly talking to him about the most random of things, our conversations that could be about me entering the convent, or about Senator Bong Bong Marcos’ chances of winning the presidency on 2016, I miss the red notification that would pop up on Facebook above his name, or his picture on my phone’s screen when I’d get a message from him. I’m going to miss the dates that happened, the movies, the food trips and the carefree walking and talking, I’m going to miss the dates that won’t ever happen like the trip to the park and the swimming. I’m going to miss the feel of his hands around mine or when he hugs me when I get too cold.
I’m going to miss so much. and I don’t know how to deal with it.
For now, I could bury it deep down until all this is over - I could stay composed during the day, maybe be a little more bitchy than usual, then break down into uncontrollable tears when I get home. I don’t know.
For now, I just miss him. So much.
and I can’t help but ask if there’s something wrong with me. Why does this keep happening to me? Is this some sort of twisted karma? It probably is. But seriously, haven’t I suffered enough for me sins?
“Don’t try to make me stay, or ask if I’m ok. I don’t have the answer. Don’t make me stay the night, or ask if I’m alright. I don’t have the answer” - Irresistible, One Direction
I stared writing this post 2 days before December 31, I was bored and I wanted to just get it out of the way so that I could fully enjoy my New Year celebrations, but I found it difficult to do so. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to be thankful for, but it was because I couldn’t find the words that would fully explain how grateful I was for this year. I have lost count on how many times I’ve deleted everything on the screen only to start over with a new document and encounter the same problem.
I don’t know how to thank God, the Universe or whatever greater being is up there for the blessings that he has showered me with this year. It may not have been as eventful as others, but for me, it was as eventful as it could be. I may not have received any major awards for anything this year, but I have learned valuable lessons that I would carry in my everyday life. I may have had my low points, but I also had my highs – highs that I shared with other people, making it all the more sweet.
Speaking of other people, I could never forget how this year has blessed me with great and wonderful people in my life. People that I had just met, but I know consider my closest friends; people that I already knew for a while now, but had only become close now, people who are already close to me, and only became closer and of course the people who are physically away, but remains close to my heart. Through you guys, I have learned to be strong, value friendship, to always see the good in others, to remain patient, and so much more. You have given so much sparks and color to my life that I’m sure fireworks pale in comparison.
I suppose all that’s left to say is thank you – I haven’t been the best I could be this year, and I thank you all for sticking with me through the ups and the downs. Here’s to an even brighter 2013!
Before you begin to read this, I’d like to state that this isn’t some social changing agenda meant to promote change and equality for all races. No, not even close. This is a rant, one written by a self-absorbed, spoiled, know-it-all teenager who is used to getting whatever she wants and cries at the first chance that she doesn’t.
I get the whole respect your elders thing – I get it, I do. And they do deserve it. But I seriously don’t get the fucking double standard that comes with it. Why is it when a teenager does something, it’s bad. Parents like it’s the end of the world and that we just committed all of the seven deadly sins at the same time. But when parents do the exact same thing – even worse – it’s ok, its fine. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
I come home at decent times, I don’t go out on school nights and every time I do go out, they are informed on where I would be going, how to reach me, how I’m getting there and who I’m with. I make sure to be home before midnight and I get home safe and sober, which is more than I could say for half the girls I know who go home wasted, high, or worse, don’t go home at all.
But when they come home at what 3am? Or sometimes not come home at all because they decided to take another impromptu trip to Pampanga, no one can hear me complaining – even if I do have to take her place in countless parent-teacher conferences, card giving meetings and other functions that my siblings have that were designed for their parents – not their eldest sister.
It’s just so frustrating. I never act out, and yet I am constantly scolded for talking back, or making a fool out of myself. All I do is study, and yet they always accuse me of wasting the money they pay for tuition. I barely go out, and they claim that most of the money goes to my miscellaneous expenses. Says the parents that leave their children to go to some out of town trip with their friends on a whim. Bravo.